


A Thought Experiment

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Episode Related, Free Will, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Spiders, episode 172 spoilers, rating is for general emotional heaviness, they're discussed they don't actually show up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: SPOILERS FOR MAG 172!!!Considerations on cause, effect, and consequence.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 30
Kudos: 148





	A Thought Experiment

They are hours (whatever  _ that  _ means anymore) outside the Web's domain when Martin sighs heavily and says:

"Maybe you  _ should  _ just read my mind."

Jon stops in his tracks.  _ "What?" _

"To see why I left." Martin stops walking too, pausing to glance back at Jon, and his eyes are sad. "I can't stop  _ thinking  _ about it. Maybe it's for the best that you just... look. Either I did it because I was curious, and you never have to look again, or I was being controlled, and, well... it might be for the best if you're always looking. Make sure I don't hurt you. Maybe me not  _ wanting  _ you to look is just the Web controlling me, as well."

"Martin..." Jon steps forward, placing both hands on his shoulders and shaking him gently. "That's very selfless of you to suggest, but I categorically refuse." He leans forward, kisses Martin on his lips - parted in surprise though they are - and begins walking again.

He's only gone a few steps when Martin catches up to him, tugging him to a halt and spinning him around with a hand on his arm.

"Jon, wait, what?"

"I'm not going to look into your head," Jon shrugs. "You've had a longstanding aversion to it, since far before we reached the Web's domain, and I'm not going to cross a well-established boundary we've set up based on a decision you've made in a state of deep emotional distress. There's no way that ends with you  _ not  _ feeling extremely violated."

Martin stares at him for a second, blinking in shock. "Since when are you so eloquent?"

Jon scratches at the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I've sort of been rehearsing that in my head since we got out of there. Um. You've been lost in thought and I had a fairly good guess what it was about."

"Oh." Martin considers that for a moment; then he moves a hand forward, tapping it lightly against Jon's arm. "Figuring it out the old-fashioned way, huh?"

Jon rolls his eyes. "As always."

Martin huffs, grabbing his hand and pulling him in so their shoulders brush as they resume walking. Jon shakes out his free arm, reaching up to resettle his bag so it sits more comfortably on his shoulders.

After a few minutes he glances over at Martin.

"You're still dwelling on it."

"You really expect me not to?"

Jon sighs, running a hand through his hair and biting his lip. "No, I suppose. I just... wish I could help.”

"Well, if you're not going to look in my head, I'm not sure if you  _ can. _ Like I said, I'll just have to live with it."

Jon takes a hesitant breath. "You know... I  _ do  _ understand what you're going through."

"I know," Martin sighs. "You've been worried about the Web for a long time."

"No, I mean-" he drags a hand over his face. "I've  _ been  _ there. Exactly where you are now, wondering what's really me..." He trails off for a moment, then says, slower and much more cautiously, "It was around the time of your... little intervention, there. When I was taking statements without asking first."

Martin's hand tightens around his own. This is still a sore subject between them, still a moment in their history that neither knows how to handle with any grace. "What about it?"

"Before.... before I realized it was just me. I thought it might be the Web."

Martin nods; he knows this.

"And- and it wasn't just taking statements, it was... everything. I didn't trust any of my own instincts, I was... I was paralyzed with terror. And terrified that paralysis was exactly what the Web wanted."

"Wondering if every slightest itch of curiosity was a Web around your mind trying to draw you in," Martin says, and Jon know he is not talking about Jon's experiences.

"Exactly. And- and it helped me, a bit, to play out that thought to the end. To- to follow the threads to their logical conclusion. To ask myself: what are the consequences if this is the Web, and how does it change if it's just me?"

Martin frowns. "I... I guess that might help? Face the worst-case scenario head-on?"

"Right." Jon scratches behind one ear. "So. Do you want to?"

Martin releases a breath in a heavy sigh. "I suppose. Not like there's anything better to do."

"Okay, then." Jon takes a moment to think up the correct questions to ask, then begins. "Assuming that it  _ was  _ the Web that made you want to go exploring, what has it achieved? What's different now, that wouldn't have been if you'd stayed close?"

"I'm scared, now," Martin says immediately. "More than I'd be if I'd stuck with you."

"So if it was the Web, the only consequence is more fear. Reason enough for it to control you, but not dangerous in the long-term."

"You were left alone. That statement really had its claws in you, I don't think you'd have stopped talking if I hadn't slapped you out of it."

Jon winces slightly, raising a hand to his cheek. There's never been lasting damage from Martin's slaps - they barely even hurt in the moment, he's so cautiously gentle - but still.

Martin notices the movement and cringes in sympathy. "Sorry. If I could find another way..."

"It's fine," Jon shakes his head. "It works, and that's what matters. And speaking of it  _ working, _ if the Web lured you away to get me alone, it failed. You woke me up and we got out of there without much delay."

Martin nods. "I'm doubting myself," he says.

"Right. I think that's the big one." Jon tucks a loose strand of hair behind his ear. "You're doubting if you were right to tell me not to look in your head."

"Yes. If there's something in there that the Web doesn't want you to see-"

"But then why lure you away?" Jon asks, and Martin frowns at him. "I  _ already  _ wasn't looking," he explains. "You going exploring has made it  _ more  _ likely that I'll look in your head, yes?"

Martin frowns harder. "I... suppose? I mean, we probably wouldn't have even brought it up again if this hadn't happened."

"Right," Jon says, "ergo, if it  _ was  _ the Web that lured you away, we can assume it  _ wants  _ me to look in your head. So, I shouldn't do that."

"And if it's not the Web? If I  _ was  _ just curious?"

"Then there's nothing to be suspicious about anyway, and I shouldn't look."

"Oh." Martin is quiet for a moment. "You're the one who suggested looking in the first place, you know."

"Yeah, well," Jon shrugs, sheepish. "That's basically my first instinct to everything these days. Doesn't mean it's a good one. Now that I've had time to think about it... I don't think I should."

Martin nods slowly. "Thank you. That... that helped, I think. I still... I'm still  _ worried, _ but that does help put my mind at ease."

"Happy to help." Jon smiles at him, scratching absently at one arm. Martin frowns.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"You've been  _ really  _ twitchy."

Jon stops his hand halfway to his face, ready to brush his hair back again, and grimaces. "I feel like I've got spiders crawling on me. I know I don't, but..."

Martin actually laughs, genuine and amused. "Given everything that's been going on, I'm glad it's something as normal as that."

Jon shudders, dropping Martin's hand and any pretense of hiding what he's been doing. He runs his hands up and down his arms, shaking his legs out one at a time to try to dislodge the creeping, crawling sensation of phantom legs. "I hate spiders. I hate them, I hate them, I  _ hate  _ them."

Martin grabs him by the shoulders, holding him still, then sticks his hands into Jon's hair and ruffles it, fingernails scratching at his scalp. Jon sags into the touch, letting Martin work out the persistent itch he's been trying to ignore.

"I used to really like spiders," Martin sighs, and Jon grimaces.

"Urg."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Martin starts fixing his hair back into place, brushing out the tangles he's put in it, and chuckles as Jon goes back to swatting at his own clothes. "Do you need, like, a lint roller or something?"

"No," Jon grouses. "There's nothing  _ actually  _ on my clothes, it's all in my head."

"Sorry." Martin fluffs his hair again, and Jon's expression melts into a smile at what is tantamount to a head massage.

"Eh, I'll survive," he says.

He shakes his limbs out one more time before gesturing to Martin that he's ready to start walking again. They do, and Jon notices the contemplative expression settling back onto Martin's face.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Martin flashes him a quick smile. "Nothing important."

"All your thoughts are important to me."

That draws a blush, and Martin pokes him in the side with a huff.

"You'll laugh."

"Promise I won't."

"Fine." Martin rolls his eyes. "I'm trying to figure out the logical threads of what the Web gains by making you feel like you've got spiders crawling all over you for hours after you've left its domain."

Jon bites his tongue. Martin raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I'm trying very hard not to laugh," Jon says.

"Mm." Martin purses his lips. "Nothing to add to the discussion, then?"

"No, not really." He considers for a moment. "Oh, actually, I can think of one consequence."

"Really?"

"Yes. It gives me the opportunity to use the word  _ formication." _

Martin snorts, then pauses. "Wait,  _ form? _ With an M?"

"It's the word for that feeling you get when you think you've got bugs crawling on you."

"Formication."

"Yes."

"That's horrible. I could have gone my whole life happily never knowing that word existed."

"Then," Jon says solemnly, "the Web has succeeded in its plan to make you miserable."

Martin cracks, breaking down and laughing, one hand covering his mouth as he tries to keep the sound muffled, and Jon watches him, chuckling quietly, and smiles.

He doesn't know what the Web is planning for them, but at the moment, he can't bring himself to care. They are together, and happy (happy enough), and that is the only thing that matters.


End file.
